What Kate and Sawyer Did
by heroesandthieves
Summary: After all this is over, Sawyer will be there for me. An epilogue to the season 6 finale that offers a peek into Kate and Sawyer's life afterwards. Kate's perspective. Oneshot. SPOILERS for The End.


**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Lost **_**or its characters. **

**I, like Kate, have loved Jack since the first episode. That's why this oneshot is from her perspective. **

After everything, we still don't get our happy ending.

It doesn't seem fair. After all the good he did and everything he was, doesn't he deserve to be happy? After all I went through, don't I deserve to be happy? So many questions pounding through my head. Questions too important to be silenced by the roar of the plane taking off. Tears start pouring down my face and I don't even notice.

I did all I could to get here, and now I only wish that I had stayed with him, to die by his side. I loved him—oh, how I loved him. Always. But it was never quite so sharp and raw as that last moment when we kissed and he held me for the last time. I knew when I kissed him that it was goodbye. "Tell me I'm going to see you again," I had pleaded. The look in his eyes had told me everything I needed to know.

This is where the story ends. With his death and my tears and this searing pain echoing through me, pain that I know will be a part of me for the rest of my life. _If only we'd never come to this cursed island, _I think. _But if we hadn't, we wouldn't have known each other_, something whispers to me.

Is it worth it? All the suffering and pain and loss? Would I trade every beautiful memory I have for peace of mind?

Of course, my life hadn't exactly been perfect before the plane crash. But looking back, I knew that even the life of a fugitive had not held the terrors island life had. Between losses of those I loved dearly and supernatural horrors we had faced, this life was far more complicated and intense than any other I lived.

But I _have _lived. I know that, even now. I lived more fully in the few years since the plane crash and meeting Jack—I let out a little unconscious moan of pain as his name tears through me—than I had in all the time leading up to the crucial events.

I know that someday I will be able to look back with less pain. I pray only that I will remember the beautiful memories just as clearly as the terrible ones. Those moments of exquisite joy that I didn't realize were perfect when they happened. When I helped Jack, that first day—I remember how brave he made me feel and how calm and sure he was—when we first kissed—when he asked me to marry him. I let out another little gasp of pain. That memory goes too deep. Someday it could be beautiful again, but for now it only serves to remind me of the life together we will never have.

Sawyer is sitting next to me, and he looks at me, worried. I try to smile at him encouragingly, but something is wrong with my face. I can't control its expression. And then he pulls me into his arms and cradles my head on his shoulder in that unexpectedly gentle way of his. I put aside all pretense and sob on his chest like a little girl. He says soft nothings, words of comfort that I can't hear through the grief. But the meaning behind them manages to resound.

After all this is over, Sawyer will be there for me. We will be there for each other, for this loss is his loss, too. Maybe we will even build a life together, out of all this chaos. Something good will come of it. I know I will never be able to love him the way I loved Jack. I know his heart belongs to poor Juliet. I know we both lost things here that we will never, never be able to replace.

But life will have to go on. And together we will be strong enough to go with it.

_Five Years Later_

I hold our little son close and smile at Sawyer. We live very simply now. No more islands or buttons to press or smoke monsters. He has an ordinary job, and I have taken on a vocation I ran away from once upon a time: housewife.

There really wasn't anyone else in _this _world for either of us. I knew I would go on loving Jack till the day I died, and that he felt the same for his Juliet. But we've always had something special, Sawyer and I. We love each other in a different way, with the warm feeling of two good comrades. I feel safe with him. Only he can understand everything I've been through—he was there for most of it. No other man I could meet would be able to comprehend.

We've been happy together, through the years. We have a little daughter as well as a son. I got to be a mother again. Our kids play with Claire's Aaron, while we parents talk about ordinary things in our lives here. And we almost believe that things have always been normal.

But once in a while, somebody slips up. "Remember when Charlie—?" Claire will say, wistfully, and then she'll look for Aaron with the faintest hint of panic in her eyes. While we're walking down the street, Sawyer will turn away when a tall, slender woman with fair hair and blue eyes walks by. And to this day, I can't hear _his _name without a thousand memories flooding through me in a rush of bittersweet heartache.

Jack. _Jack. _

For now, this life is enough, even though I still miss him so much.

But I know someday I'll see him again. And when I do, it's going to be as if he never left.


End file.
